All families have their share of drama, and unfortunately splitting the cost and care of tending to mom or dad isn’t exempt from it. If you live closest to your parents, you may become the “default” caregiver, whether or not you are up for the task. It can be tricky to get siblings to chip in with caregiving responsibilities, especially if they are out of state. Here are some ideas for splitting the load among siblings:
- Put an out-of-state sibling in charge of the health insurance and medical bills. There will no doubt be a lot of research and phone calls to make to figure out what is covered and how to navigate an increasingly complex healthcare system.
- Schedule your personal time and/or vacations with your siblings in advance to make sure mom and dad have someone with them when you take some much needed personal time. If your sibling doesn’t feel comfortable caring for mom or dad, have them help cover the costs of hiring an in-home caregiver in lieu of their hands-on time.
- If you have a sibling that lives in town but is working full-time, develop a schedule for them to drop by groceries once a week and have dinner with mom or dad at least one other time during the week. Weekends are an especially important time to manage care fairly, so consider an every-other-weekend or I-take-Saturday-you-take-Sunday type of arrangement with your siblings.
- It’s important for all of the siblings to take a turn caring for mom or dad themselves, if for no other reason than to give everyone a greater appreciation of the work that is being done on a daily basis by the sibling providing most of the care. It can be an eye-opening experience and can improve the support your siblings offer you, not just financially but emotionally and physically as well.
Recognizing that everyone will have to be flexible and most likely have to deal with some type of inconvenience from time to time is key to managing care for mom and dad. Call a family meeting early on, before expectations regarding who is responsible for what are set, to help limit bitterness or resentment down the road.
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